love?
LOuuurrrVE?
got this from rg's blog.
hey guys.
this is the first time i am using this myspace feature.
it's just that i feel the need to vent my feelings which have been bottled up a very long time now.
2 of my best friends ended singlehood recently. they both found someone.
believe me when I say I couldn't be happier for them. I more than anyone else know how much they deserve to love and be loved in return.
it's just that, now we have less time for each other. and that leaves me feeling really lonely for myself.
man they say is a social being. he is meant to be born. make friends, find a special someone and spend the rest of his life with that someone.
oftentimes though, we find ourelves alone, stuck in dead relationships, or relationships that we know at some point will end because you have to move on to someone else. friendships are kinda like that.
friends, they say, will always be there for you. i disagree. they won't be able to help but devote less time with you because other individuals will begin to take precedence.
you can nurture it. you can take really good care of a particular friendship, but in the end, since you're both destined to end up with others, you are just each other's transition companion. someone who's meant to help you pass the time by till you find that someone. in a sense too, friends are just lovers who arent exclusive to you and you don't have intimate moments with.
consequently, like lovers, friends also head for that break up phase, though not necessarily adversarially messy, but again because life is pulling you in opposite directions.
i'm not saying that we shouldn't find friends. what i'm saying is that, you shouldn't count on them too much. if possible, we must strive to live like islands.
it was while i was blurting out these sentiments that a friend suggested that i find my own someone. as if that were really easy, i thought.
besides, i've been in love several times, and all were unsuccessful for a myriad of reasons. it's frustrating, really. I guess that's why I'm almost giving up on it at the tender age of 22.
love, romantic love at least, is tiring unless it's rewarded. i know; you'll say that true love wants nothing in return. but not everyne can be that noble. on some level, we are all looking for some permanence, some stability. we all tend to think that we've found someone then find ourselves wetting our pillows with tears because we've been rejected. to do that over and over and over. that's, well, tiring and pretty pointless. I'm tired of being single, literally, but the process of "un-singlifying" oneself is even more tiring. it's exasperating. I want no part of it anymore. Give me a reason to hope or to want it if you may but this i where i stand now. Love at this point to me brings more harm than good sometimes.
i'm tired. i don't know where i'll get the energy to pursue it further.
is it worth all thee trouble?
it has never ceased to amaze me how one can be in a roomful of people and be the loneliest person ever.
it has never ceased to amaze me how one can get most if not all the things he wants in life and yet feel like there's something he's missing out.
i have been alternating in these phases lately, and i'm trying to find out why thiese are so. i haven't found my answer.
in the first premise, i gues there really is just this one person, who may not really be miss or mister right, but who just completes you.
i have never fully subscribed to the idea of 2 people in love completing each other. I have always held that we are created complete individuals, after all, if we neded others to survive, then no one would be born alone and consequently die alone.
But lately, I just feel like there's something I'm missing out on, something I'm not seeing or experinecing when I should.
Then I look around, and I see what I don't have. No one loves me execpt friends or family, who in a sense don't count because it's part of their job so to speak.
No one lovs me becaue it's just the most natural, most important thing in this erson's existence. Most of my life, the few instances I was tuly happy, I have had to work very hard on. In a sense they're like rewards. No one, Nthing except my dearly departed dog blacky has made me smile, feel complete and at peace without any effort. and that got me thinking: of over 8 billion people on this planet. how is it that there seems to be no one who can do that for me or vice-versa?
Friends would say it's probably just not yet time. but what if I'm one of those who aren't meant to find someone?
it's so hard to assure yourself your time will come when you feel left out, when your closest friends are getting attached underneath your very nose, and every tome jane and harry you see on the street seems to be with their own special someone.
One of my closest friends got attached recently, the other one seems to be on the way to being attached himself. in both cases, I saw the flirtations and dvelopments unfold. It was nice watching them, but it also tugs at my heart because I feel sorry i dont have that.
Wow, I can't believe i'm turning 23 in a week's time.
Still cannot find a reason to make a big deal bout it though. I know, some people die younger.
But I'm always ready to die. In fact, at this point, death may even be a convenience. hehehe!
it's just that everywhere I go, be with friends or family o workbudies, they're always making a big deal out of it. I know, maybe hey just want to be part of a party. But personally, I really don't see any reason to party.
awwwww.
posted by coycee @ 5:03 PM
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